.name.: dd, or crazy...
.age.: 17
.dob.: 9/20
.location.: texas *yee haw*
.sex.: I'm a woman!
.interests.: anime, manga, video games, sleep, music, food, ddr, ff, anime, doodling, sleep
.hobbies.: doodling, watchin stuff, collectin stuff (like ducks), and doodling
.listening to.: "The Drapery Falls" Opeth [Blackwater Park]
.watching.: NARUTO (new season)
.reading.: -- - --
.playing.: God of War II
.downloading.: ---
.chatting..with.: ---
.wanting.: ---
.layout.update.: 04/28/'07
Andre
Blynk
Brenda
Carlos
Chris
Danny
Jeanette
JJ
Jose
Kaya
Krystal
Leila
Lizzy
Luis
Mary
Moses
Myrissa
Oscar
Pact Pogo
Roland
Roland-2
Sammy
Sandy
Shadow Alchemist
Yoshi
x---- x----x
Lyrics
Opeth
[Damnation]
Hope Leaves
In the corner beside my window
Hangs a lonely photograph
There is no reason
I'd never notice
A memory that could hold me back
There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place
Gone through days without talking
There is a comfort in silence
So used to losing all ambition
Struggling to maintain what's left
Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me
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crazy_mongoose
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Dee Dee
Birthday: 9/20/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Anime- (Most is Fullmetal Alchemist), Manga- (God there's so many!), Music (j-pop/j-rock), video games- (MGS & KH).
Expertise: Doodling... being stupid.. Apparently, I'm good at giving people advice.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
MSN: neon__firefly@hotmail.com
Member Since:
9/6/2004
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| lol! I totally forgot this place existed.. Well, not so much that it existed, but so much as that I never use it. Nor do I have a purpose.
But I suppose it's still fun to have. A "secret" diary to the world. A secret from the world.
Oh have things changed.
A lot has changed.
=)
How exciting.
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| It's been so long since I've used this thing.. Hmm... Let's have a refresher, shall we?
- Things got difficult and unbearable with Tony.
- He decides to "break up" again late July.
- He decides to get back.
- I tell him to fuck off.
- He begs and cries for me back, where I refuse.
- He leaves me alone (for a while).
- I start talking with Manny more.
- Manny and I begin dating.
- More summer band fun...
- School starts.
- Tony starts bothering me again.
- School is difficult. D:
- My birthday (sept 20) and I get awesome prezzies.
Yup.
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| So I don't necessarily know what's wrong with me.
I don't know if it's because everyone's ignoring me or if I'm just too damn needy.
I mean, attention is something I really rarely get anyways. And if I ever get attention, it's generally from just one person anyways.
It's not like I'm always in the limelight. It's not something I really like anyways.
But I guess for the past couple of weeks I've been solitary. No, I've just been lonely. I always feel that I need company. I know in my head that company is not something needed for survival. I don't need someone else in order to spend the day however I want. I think, what I feel, is abandonment.
I know I've been blessed with many many many friends, but my closest friends are the ones who seem to shun me and cast me aside as if I'm a nobody. The closest friends I have are at such a far distance, my other friends seem eons away. It's just like as if I've fallen into a chasm and no one is there to guide my insanity.
There ARE people I can talk to and all, but it's just.. people.. not at school. And it's horrible.
All my senior (actually, just ALL) friends have basically left me for dead.
It's like I told Loo-Loo.
It feels as though they don't value me like I value them.
Maybe that's just it.
Maybe they've realized they don't need me there because I'm not a vital part of the group.
I'm expendable to their cause.
I'm unnecessary and easily replaced.
I'm not the life of the party and I just bring everyone down, because unlike them, I actually live with problems on a daily basis and sometimes I just need to vent and I just need to talk to someone because I'm only human.
I probably just make everyone pity me because I find solitude unnecessary on Friday and Saturday nights. Or rather that I enjoy the pity or something.
Or maybe they just think I can't get rides to places because I never seem to have the ability to go everywhere they do.
It's sad.
The only person I thought who would stick by me when everyone else forgets I exist has even shut his mouth to me.
It's funny too.
When I thought he'd stop and ask what's wrong, he just took my word and forgot what I had just mentioned.
Maybe they've all just decided one day that they'd hope I'd leave them because I'm worthless.
Because sometimes even my boyfriend doubts I truly love him like he loves me.
Maybe they just see me as a child. A stupid child that will never grow up because I'm not as old as they are.
I can say for certain that I know much more about life than they have.
It's not me just being cocky, but it's because I've opened my eyes...
And it's hard to think...
With my eyes so open...
I see many things...
and react to them...
but to these eyes...
things seem much much worse...
than their true scale...
I just hurt..
I wish it'd stop already.
Sometimes I wish I didn't know anyone...
I wonder if it'd hurt less. | | |
| || deliverance ||
Okay... Things HAVE been pretty bad lately, but as of now, there's a big up time before the roller coaster plummets again. Things have been looking pretty good, for other people mainly. (I tend to find myself watching others than interacting with them. I'm a mere observer in most cases or an eavesdropper as Moses puts it.) I mean, Loois, the last person I ever expected to find someone (sorry loonie. I just thought you were super picky!) found someone who I hear is absolutely "special". Hell, if it makes Loois say gooey things, then by God that woman has done a miracle! Then there's the Mosey/Leila thing going on.. even though... like.. EVERYONE knew about it before they decided it was "official". Well, I think it was like that with Michael and Delly for a while... Then.. well.. sorta between Tony and me, except no one really knew about that, now did they?
|| Moonlight Legend ||
Tony and I have been on mild terms for the past few weeks... but now.. it's a helluva lot better... Maybe something happened to where all the frustration and drama just decided to eff punt their job and leave us the fuck alone. And now, I'm really excited with the fact that he's coming to visit during spring break. I was supposed to go with my sister to San An.. just to tag along for her GRE thingy.. So she won't have to put up with mom either. Tony offered to tag along as well.. So.. we might have a "mini vacation" on that Monday. Depending if I want to go or not... But I haven't traveled.. since.. the football games? Na, not since I was still in middle school for vacation with family. And no, New York does NOT count because I went with a bunch of band nerds... But alas, I must start my homework... And Neil Gaiman rocks!!! >.< His style of writing is just.... captivating... AWESOME! He's making me write big words! I've got a phobia of long words... I've got Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia!!!! | | |
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